So the O2 Wireless Festival. Spanning four days at Hyde Park, London. The usual suspects were there: old people, young people, ugly people, fit people…girls that haven’t clued on to the fact that not wearing sunscreen is actually OUT…and boys who have sacrificed any chance of fertility with their sprayed-on jeans.
The festival started rather well on Thursday afternoon with a few beers and some treats from Hot Chip and Roisin Murphy (who miraculously managed numerous costume-changes despite the pouring rain). By early evening it was time for the delightful (and oh-so-gorgeous) Mark Ronson and the Version Players. Special guests included Lily “I’m so pissed I don’t know when my cue is” Allen, who could’ve popped a bra on for the occasion. And taken off those rancid leopard-skin leggings. Regardless, it was a fabulous performance, complete with cute girls with violins and Mr. Ronson himself in a striking grey suit. Thursday’s headlining act was none other than Brooklyn’s finest Jay – Z. I must admit I lost interest after about half the set, but clearly the crowd hadn’t, doing their best gangster impersonations.
Friday was another stellar lineup: Dirty Pretty Things and The Wombats stoodout early in the day. Florida set The Black Kids were a hit on the Sandisk Stage – shaking it up with their sugary hits and cataleptic dance moves. To my delight, one of my favourite men, Beck, played quite a few classics, instead of his usual “I’m going to play songs which no-one has ever heard of. Simply because I can”. The New York Dolls (God knows how they’re still alive) thrilled the crowd in the Tuborg stage, the audience spilling out of the tent, clamouring just to be within earshot as the Dolls played some of their many hits. From the number of old guys walking around wearing Morrissey t-shirts, it was quite clear who was headlining on Friday. Walking on stage to proclaim “When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high”, Morrissey went into a rendition of “The Last Of The International Playboys”, and the hits continued, closing with The Smiths’ “How Soon Is Now?” and “What She Said”, to raucous applause from the clearly thrilled crowd.
Saturday was another day of musical delights. Sam Sparro – the next big thing in pop. Without a doubt. The crowd packed out the tent to see the gorgeous man decked out in a multi-coloured kaftan belt out high-energy songs, encouraging the audience to sing along and throw shapes around like nothing else. Underworld fans crammed into the Sandisk Stage so tightly that some entrances had to be blocked off for safety reasons, the band keeping the lucky audience who managed to get inside well entertained. Closing the day on the main stage was Fatboy Slim, whose on-stage dancing was almost as entertaining as his tracks (almost). Opening with a remix of “Praise You”, he bounced across the stage with a beaming smile, proving why he’s the world’s number one party DJ.
Sunday afternoon: pouring rain. I somehow sneak into the o2 Wireless VIP area where the buffet was fabulous and the Mojitos were flowly freely (note: FREEly), and was struck with the ultimate predicament: do I leave the comfort and shelter of the VIP area to go and see one of my favourite Australian bands, Powderfinger, rock out on the main stage, or do I stay and continue to sip Raspberry Mojitos? I’m a little ashamed to say the Mojitos won. But I DID watch my beloved Powderfinger on the big screen. And it WAS pouring with rain. I did, however, drag myself out of said area to watch Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, who never disappoint. Counting Crows, the headliners of Sunday, with Adam Duritz still cutting quite the figure, pleased the crowd with “Mr. Jones” and movie-soundtrack favourite “Colourblind.” A great ending to a super-fun weekend of music.
In hindsight, the festival probably would’ve been better if it was spanned across three days, as four days seemed to stretch the line ups out a bit too much. Sure, each day seemed to have a “theme”, but big acts were slightly few and far between. Also deserving of a mention was the most annoying and pointless promotion in festival history: Sandisk. Could someone please tell me the point of making people take their phones apart to check what kind of memory card they have? Boring. And useless. Good organisation though – no long waits for food, drinks, toilets, which always takes the edge off for punters. Lots of entertainment across the venue kept the crowd aptly entertained. The festival staple: the half-pipe, stalls, a Guitar Hero competition area (which sadly I never got to play on) and a section of exercise bikes which I never really did understand what their purpose was. And I didn’t really care to find out.
Thanks to Tuborg for keeping me well-lubricated throughout the weekend.
