Well, if Rihanna becomes co-manager...
Zomby

The world cup hasn't reached the half-way stage yet, but for many England fans it may as well be over.

Roy's Boys lasted just two games before being knocked out, making their final nil nil draw against Costa Rica something of a formality.

Since then, the nation has plunged into a state of introversion, attempting to divine just where it all went wrong. Thankfully, an answer is at hand: Zomby.

Yep, the 4AD signed producer has stepped in to offer Dazed a few thoughts on where England went wrong. "Roy just isn’t very chic but I still like him, despite the custom Hublot (watch). Watching Italy vs England it became obvious that Pirlo's sense of style was way ahead of anything the England team had seen before. They were unlucky that game really though, shout out to Raheem Sterling."

Asked where he would play, the producer said: "Probably central midfield or upfront. You know I like to have vision and my play could slot in with Welbeck and Sturridge. I could partner Sterling nicely too."

Disappointed by England's 2-1 loss against Uruguay, the producer revealed that he had placed bets on the outcome. "I was buzzing though because I realised I'd picked that goal. I picked all 3 goals and the final score and had a minor windfall so in a way I was like "whatever", I didn’t care too much."

Asked why England so consistently under-perform at the highest level, Zomby said: "1. Shit weed 2. A sense of regret before the event."

Quite. Zomby for England manager? The campaign starts here!

Related: 7 Of The Best: Zomby

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