The Last Time – Holy Fuck

Clash gets acquainted with foul-mouthed Canadians...

Shunting maple syrup mercilessly off the top spot of Canada’s Most Vital Export list is Holy Fuck, a progressive bunch of skilled bastards whose intricate tinklings have pushed the boundaries of electronic music to produce some of the most unique sounds Clash has heard in yonks. As a way of saying thanks, we asked Holy Fucker Graham Walsh to cast his memory back over recent events for your entertainment…

The last time I thought I was going to die was… when we were driving back from a gig, and our friend who was driving passed out behind the wheel of the van while we were on the freeway! We tried smacking him but he wouldn’t wake up. He started swerving all over the highway and trucks were speeding by us. I was sitting in the back seat and had to climb forward and steer while Brian (who was sitting in the passenger seat) had to crawl in between the driver’s legs and operate the pedals with his hands! This all happened in a matter of minutes, but we managed to stop the vehicle at the side of the highway. When the driver finally came to he didn’t know what had happened.

…only in a way two kids in grade 5 can fight

The last time someone punched me was… when I was in grade 5. We always played football (American football) in the schoolyard, and one kid ALWAYS brought the ball we played with. Until the first day back from Christmas. I had gotten a brand new football for Christmas that year and brought it with me so we could use that one for our game (which we did). The other kid got really jealous cos we weren’t using his ball anymore… Anyways one thing let to another, next thing I know we’re fighting! Not REALLY fighting, but only in a way two kids in grade 5 can fight. Needless to say we got sent to the Principal’s office.

The last time I told someone I loved them was… Yesterday. I told my girlfriend I loved her on the phone. Cheesy answer… sorry! We’ve both been touring a lot the last couple of months. It’s really difficult, but somehow we manage.

The last time I laughed so hard it hurt was… watching Shreds on YouTube. Probably one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time! Which isn’t saying much I suppose, because I don’t have cable TV anymore (which is a good thing), and haven’t watched many movies lately, apart from ones on airplanes. So it seems that YouTube has become one of my primary sources of mind-numbing time-wasting cheap laughing entertainment! I really try hard not to get lost too much in the Internet. It can be an alluring beast.

The last time I thought about The Sex Pistols was… November 13th 2007, in Brighton, UK. I bought a vinyl copy of ‘Never Mind The Bollocks…’ at a second hand shop. I don’t know how much I’ll listen to it, but just felt that it was necessary for my vinyl collection to have a UK copy of it. When we arrive in a town we’re going to play there are two things we are guaranteed too look for while we’re there: 1. The used record shop, and 2. The used musical instruments shop. Nothing else matters!

The last time music stopped me in my tracks was… every time I find out about something good. Good records or songs will always stop me in my tracks, but probably the most important time was ages ago when I first ever really heard The Beatles. I always knew about the hits (‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’, ‘Help’, ‘Please Please Me’, etc) just from hearing them all over the place. But a good friend of mine who is a little older than me made me a mix tape with ‘Tomorrow Never Knows’, ‘Flying’, ‘Helter Skelter’ and a lot more of their definitive songs. I had NO idea that’s what they were about. Like many, many people and musicians before me, The Beatles changed the way I looked at music.

…when I first ever really heard The Beatles

The last time I was sick was… RIGHT NOW. I have a cold, that’s going through everyone in the band while we were on tour. The funny thing about my body is that for some reason it knows that I’m coming home from tour. I’ll be away for 3-4 weeks, and be putting my body and mind through loads of stress, and won’t get sick (which is a good thing), but the SECOND I get home and want to relax, my body will shut down, and I’ll start to get the flu or a cold or something. It never fails.

The last book I read was… A Short History Of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. I don’t read much, but when I do, I find that I read more non-fiction than anything. I think it’s because of my unquenchable thirst for knowledge! Which is strange, because I hated school, and textbooks.

The last time I went to church was… I don’t remember… Sorry God.

The last time I cried was… right now.. I just realised that I don’t remember the last time I did a lot of things!

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