The Horrors’ unfeasibly tall frontperson on loony tramps, treacherous hookers and dodgy funfairs. That’s growing up in Southend for you.
My best ever night out
“The best nights out are unplanned. One that resulted in me waking up in Costa Mesa under an Evil Knievel poster with a live but fairly timid snake around my neck ranks as one of the best.”
My most memorable trip
“First visit to the Natural History Museum when I was five or so with my Grandad. I remember that huge Blue Whale skeleton so vividly, even though it wasn’t strictly a dinosaur and therefore in my eyes extremely boring.”
The strangest situation I’ve ever been in
“Watching a homeless man berating an empty bag of crisps near Liverpool Street Station a few years ago. He was waving his finger and yelling, “You rubbish” at the crumpled packet which obviously wasn’t making much in the way of a response. Also there’s a man who spends a lot of his time slumped by a wall near my flat. He carries a full to bursting blue plastic bag of twigs easily the size of a man’s torso and every day I look outside to see him steadily working his way through them, chewing and swallowing each one.”
My best New Year
“Three years ago I moved into a block of flats where all the surrounding occupants are deaf. New Year is usually only as good as the amount you annoy the neighbours, so sadly I’ve had a terrible run of late.”
The coolest person I ever met
“Nick Zinner’s pretty great, but I think probably Jim Sclavunos from Teenage Jesus, the Bad Seeds. He’s seen everything and is the only man I’ve ever met who is impossible to interrupt mid-sentence.”
The hardest I ever laughed
“If there’s ever a funfair in town that seems ropey at best, be sure to ride the ghost train. If the climax of the ride consists of a man in a gorilla mask, bedsheet and trainers – actual experience – you know they’re stealing their power from nearby housing.”
The best gig I ever played
“Moby Dick, Madrid 2007. A galleon-themed bar, ropes across the ceiling and many objects to climb. Seven people taken to hospital and a full-on fight with the security.”
The Best piece of advice I can give is
“I got a wrestling mask when I was in Mexico. Green, with white teeth, bulging eyes and a thick black scalp of hair sprouting upwards. Apparently the wrestler originally known for wearing it was called El Planta or something. He and his tag partner were both midgets and crowd favourites who enjoyed considerable wealth. They met their untimely demise, by poison, whilst employing the services of two 40-year-old prostitutes hungry for more than their standard fee. So I guess what I’m saying is, if you are going to embark on a career as a professional wrestler, err, don’t use hookers.”
Best or worst childhood memory
“Losing my kite which was actually a good thing as the kite smelled of fish.”
The Last time I cried
“When I lost my kite.”
