As well as featuring as one of Clash Magazine’s Ones to Watch (read the article HERE), Swanton Bombs were recently on tour as support to Jay Reatard. They were kind enough to put pen to paper and deliver the below tour diary documenting the going-ons.
Day One
We pulled into Birmingham at around 4 or 5 o’clock. We played at the same academy a couple of weeks before with Girls. Not many people showed up for that and not many people showed up for this one either. It’s a strange venue to me because both gigs have coincided with a superstar headline next door so the attention is always diverted.
With Girls, Dizzee Rascal was next door and on this date Seasick Steve was next door. The ladies toilet was leaking heavily and it turned the carpets into some cold mash potato-ey substance. Then we were informed that not many tickets were sold which meant we didn’t get beer backstage…………. Brendan informed French Dan (our tour manager) about this and within 10 minutes a crate of Carlsberg arrived. I still had some Tescos Whiskey in my rucksack.
We started drinking immediately. Had a soundcheck. Then went to Big Wok for their ‘Grand Evening Buffet £9.99’. No lie, it was grand. I had two of the exact same meal which I can’t really remember. But I do remember Brendan coming up to me when we were outside telling me that “French Dan’s going up for fourths…”. I looked in the window and found French Dan leaving his seat for what was actually fifths. 5 different meals. We walked the mammoth meal off and went back to the venue for the gig.
Still pretty early we went backstage to continue drinking and play cards. French Dan taught us a new game called Zoom. Which Brendan was instantly amazing at. You have to be quick, and I ain’t. We played the gig and as expected not many people were there but we still had fun. Hopefully we reached some people there, regardless of how terrible we played. Afterwards we packed the equipment away and first blood went to me. I bust my knuckles open when putting the kick drum in it’s case. The scab still remains.
Back at the Travelodge a guy at the reception told us he used to DJ but he wants to get into the army but is afraid of drug tests. Then we started talking about Wales and how we all had difficulty understand their language. He said that most of the language consists of “H.J.H.J.H.J.H.J.H.J.H.J.H.J”. I couldn’t hold back the laughter. HJ is a term i heard from Brendan’s older brother Joe which stands for HandJob. Coincidently, HJ is Joe Heaney’s initals backwards.
Got into bed, experimented with mixing my travelodge tea with whiskey. And it failed.
Day Two
French Dan walks out of the shower and provides Brendan and I with McDonalds vouchers. We did the right thing and sorted ourselves out with burgers for breakfast. We got into the van to drive to Glasgow to play in a favourite venue of ours, King Tuts. The drive was quite long and this gave me time to demolish Brendan’s Tetris high score. We eventually arrived at King Tuts and found out that there was a support band on before us on the bill. A band called Paper Planes. We were impressed from their soundcheck and instantly heard The Sonics in their sound. The night progressed and Brendan and I played pool on their unbalanced table. But I still won. Remaining to maintain my throne as the champion of the universe. Paper Planes began their set and we loved it. The guitars were cool and so were the vocals.
They pulled a good crowd along too, who fortunately stayed to hear us as well. Then we played and it felt a million times better than last night. We just played better. There’s something about first night of tour heebie-jeebies i find that always doom us into playing terribly. These heebie-jeebies cursed my MXR Gain pedal and it broke after the Birmingham gig and we couldn’t fix it until after the tour. But with that behind us we were able to enjoy the rest of tour. After our set we met up with Paper Planes in Nice & Sleazy’s for a night of White Russians. They were lovely guys and we hope to catch up with them soon. Back to King Tuts to meet French Dan we took what was left of our beer for the van and were running out of space to store it. We sorted it out and the van rattled like a chandelier in an earthquake and looked like a mini bar on wheels.
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Day Three
Breakfast in IKEA. I went for the Christmas dinner option. The turkey was as tough as their chipboard veneered with sugary light brown sauce. Brendan got jelly and I couldn’t resist. I got hold of some and refilled my IKEA Cola and got my sugar levels rocketing. We drove onto Manchester but stopped at a service station where I got hold of a fantastic hot chocolate, which came with a chocolate spoon. Back in the van me and Brendan listen to Kings Of Leon and consider recording our own Best Of Kings Of Leon record. Nothing off the latest album ‘Only By The Night’. But tracks like ‘Black Thumbnail’, ‘Razz, ‘Molly’s Chambers’, ‘Four Kicks’ etc. Maybe the whole of ‘Aha Shake…’ would feature on it (except ‘Day Old Blues’).
Brendan begins to write short stories in the van. I kept peering over to see what he was working on but I just left him alone. Still don’t know what he’s done. We reach Manchester’s Roadhouse and we rename a card game we originally called Black Jack New York Rules to Quiff. Gig time arrives and it’s the lowest attendance yet. 10 people at maximum we guessed. I gave the famous Marc Riley a phone call before the set to see if he could make it, but he was recording a show and told me to tell him more in advance. But I felt we played well and seemed to entertain a few people. After the set we had an interview for Manchester Radio where we talked shit and embarrassed ourselves.
Then Brendan went to visit his aunt who lives there and they went to Ghengiskhan’s Mongolian Grill. French Dan and I stayed at a contacts of Marc Riley. A lovely lady named Bernie who let’s traveling bands stay at her house for a tenner. Upon arrival we were treated to a spectacular vegetarian curry and beer. We then looked at previous guests and I was surprised to see some of our favourites in the list. White Denim, Jeffrey Lewis and Daniel Johnston to name a few. We stayed up for a couple of ours getting to know Bernie and she was a lovely kind hearted individual. French Dan and I are shown to our beds in the basement and we stayed up drinking more beer and talking about bad food stories.
I explained to him that on the Girls tour i actually had a bad hamburger in Hamburg. And my guts are weak and I get food poisoning really easily. After the burger I didn’t eat for two days and I nearly passed out on stage in Malmo. He told me that in Japan he had some octopus and spring onion dish served with brown liver sauce. And he said it tasted okay but all you need is a flash in your head to put you off. He found himself looking at this brown liver sauce as diarrhea. He couldn’t finish the dish he says. Me and French Dan sleep well in Bernie’s Basement.
Day Four
Travel back to London to play at Camden Underworld. Me and Brendan listen to more Kings Of Leon and decide to name the Best Of ‘We Had A Ball’ (after the lyric in Ragoo). We got stuck in traffic for ages and were worried about missing soundcheck. But we made it in time.
We managed to get a load of our friends in and it was lovely to see them all. They have always been there at our gigs from the beginning and it means the world to us they still come to see us. We start playing and there’s about 10 people in front of us. But as the set progressed the numbers gradually started to increase and it seemed like there was about 50 people there. Which still doesn’t look very impressive in Underworld but it was a nice feeling watching the numbers grow. We played okay and it was fun to play for our friends as well. Afterwards we drank more free beer and went to a bar next door to play cards. Then all our friends had to catch last trains home and we had to meet French Dan for a lift home. We got foot long Subways and drove home.
