Beardyman takes control...

The release schedule has a rhythm, a pulse.

Sometimes the pulse quickens, other times it begins to slow. When Christmas appears on the horizon, a flood of releases tend to come our way but - in truth - for one reason or other most can be filed under 'not suitable for Clash' banner.

Thankfully, though, there are still a few gems in there. This week, we asked Beardyman to give his opinion on the latest singles - expect appearances from Band of Skulls, Drake, Tiga and more.

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Band of Horses - Little Biblical
This song is the 9th single to be released off this, their 17th studio album. A sterling effort for a band with not a single face between them. Raised in the circus by clowns, as young kids their adventurous spirit saw their faces ripped clean off by ravenous chimps. Faceless and shunned by their clown parents, they were cursed to roam the earth producing album after album of music without being able to see the fans who flock to dance to their twisted screams and demented bangings on used fridge parts and buckets. This single is alright but I prefer the artwork.

Bullet For My Valentine - Temper Temper
Bullet For My Valentine formed in 1987 following the great metal riots of that year which saw many head-banging crowd surfing long-haired young men mosh through the walls of Bon Jovi's mansion and rip out his eyes. Unfortunately however, this single fails to deliver on the promises made in their bands manifesto, a tersely worded masterpiece of honesty and humility which reads thus "we are a metal band and we want to be really famous and stuff". This single isn't going to help as it is basically 5 minutes of an old woman crying hysterically set to a sound of someone hitting an anvil with a chicken in a barn.

Drake - We'll Be Fine 
Drake's meteoric rise to stardom has been helped no end by his very public hatred of himself. He has grabbed headlines across the world by performing death defying stunts of personal immolation.. packing himself in ice, having the English through burgers at him while he starves in a box, and attempting to saw his own tongue off live on national TV. Recently though his musical work has been the main focus, as he has matured as an artist he has focused less on stunts and more on album making. This single is a return to form however and features him asking why the record industry couldn't have "chosen some other mug to churn out this stinking discharge". Brilliant. The video's fantastic too, the part where he punches himself in the face for a whole minute until he's just a bloodied mess is one of the great cinematic moments of this century, he should get an award of some kind for it, but unfortunately he actually died during the making of the video due to punch wounds to the face.

K Koke - Turn Back
Jay-Z's Roc Nation have signed up and coming rapper k koke and on this single, paired with the brilliant maverick sabre, he gets autobiographical. Tight flow, big beats, and a wistful guitar sample will have you nodding your head to this heartbreaking tale of survival.

P!nk - Try
God damn it I wish I liked P!nk.. I want to, she seems strong, is a good dancer, sings fairly well about real emotions and not vapid celebrity culture, and her music speaks for the down-trodden.. It's just a shame it's fucking awful. Oh well.. It's just my opinion. Ignore it, make ur own mind up, why are u reading reviews anyway? Think for yourself you twat.

Tiga - Plush
Lovely, squelchy, weird noises, analogue tweakery and spoony lyrics make this an awesome exercise in how to push dance music forward by returning to its founding principles. Inspired by 80's dance tv shows like pelvic gold and the bandana control, this whimsical but excellently produced and retro-futuristic track will have you giggling and grinding on the dance floor like a person doing exactly that. Simile? Not on your life.

Yeasayer - Reagan's Skeleton
This single is taken from Yeasayer's new album "wiping it on you" in which every song has a different chord in it. No strangers to controversy, this band were the first to sample themselves being ravaged by bears. This saw them banned from Alaska. The lead singer Alex Mcguiver has been arrested 19 times for breaking an entering into his own house. Well, as this band will attest, where there's a will there's a way. Incidentally, this band are the first to have married each other.. which means that anywhere they travel on tour, they earn nectar points. Can I go now I'm hungry...


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