How would you spend your last day alive? Nick Frost will be slaughtering some despots.
Where would you like to wake up?
I was in South Africa, in Durban, for a couple of weeks after Christmas with our best friends and their kids and our families, and we had this big house right on the Indian Ocean with a beautiful golf course right there as well. That was a really nice place to wake up, so I’m going to say Zimbale, in Durban, South Africa. But, I’d like my own bed. Their bed was good, but the pillows were fucked up.
What would you like to achieve on your last day?
If logic was no boundary to this day I think I would probably want to kill all the despots. I wouldn’t live to see the glory, but just bathing in their gore would be enough for me.
How would you spend the afternoon?
Play a bit of golf between the despot killing. I think I’d sit in the sun with my mates drinking cold beers and eating great food.
You host a Last Supper: who’s coming and what are you eating?
My last meal would have to be tons and tons of fucking disgusting KFC, with that gravy they do and chips, and things that I can’t eat now in real life. I’d invite the dream dinner party guests, i.e. Michael Palin, David Attenborough, Julianne Moore. I don’t think I’d like to have them watch me eat loads of KFC though; they’d probably think ‘Ooh you fat pig, I hope you die soon.’
What would be your biggest regret?
I’ve always been driven by a sense of right and wrong. I’ve never regretted anything I’ve done, but there’s been times when I was a slightly younger man, perhaps… there’s a girlfriend I’m thinking about in particular, who I was a bit of a dick to and I’ve always kind of regretted that.
What is the last song you want to hear?
I’ve got to go out fighting, I’m a big fan of the Hard House podcasts, and I listen to them almost constantly. I would put on a Mark EG podcast, or an Organ Donors’ podcast, or and Andy Whitby podcast, and I would smash it up for the last five minutes. I would probably whirl myself into oblivion.
What would your deathbed confession be?
I used to play rugby when I was at school. All the guys from the first team, if you went and played rugby at another club, they would try and steal something from that clubhouse to put in their own clubhouse, like a little trophy. When I was eleven, I stole this wooden shield from a clubhouse. I was immediately racked with guilt and I didn’t even bask in the glory of saying to the guys, ‘Look guys, look what I did!’ I was just so terribly guilty that I actually took it away to a piece of empty ground and I buried it. Twenty eight years I’ve had that on me.
What would your final words be?
‘Fuck you, Inland Revenue!’
How are you going to die?
Maybe the world’s best sniper could sit a thousand metres away, and I would like to be done with a fifty cal; a big, big sniper rifle. I’d have paid him to end it for me and he can do it when he wants; I don’t know when it’s coming. But it has to be a fifty cal.
Who would you like to meet at the pearly gates of Heaven?
I’ve lost a lot of family, so I’d like my family to be there. They were my guides in this world and now they’re going to be my guides in the other.
Describe your vision of Heaven.
I always imagine that Heaven is how we imagine it through the Bible. I think it’s clouds, with a lovely big gold and Mother of Pearl gate up there. It’s like getting into a very fancy restaurant and then it’s just clouds.
If you could be resurrected the next day then what would you come back as?
A vibrator.
Nick Frost appears in Snow White And The Huntsman (in cinemas June 1st) and Ice Age: Continental Drift (in cinemas July 6th).
