How would you like to spend your last day on earth? E from Eels wants to be with his dog…
Where would you like to wake up?
Oh, I bet people always say like in some hot famous woman’s bed, right? I don’t really like to travel so I think I would like just to wake up in my own bed at home. I think that is a fine way to start my last day.
Who would you like to wake up next to?
I would like to wake up next to my dog Bobby Junior; it’s always been the perfect way to start a day.
What would there be left to achieve on your last day?
Well, I consider any day I can get out of bed a success, so I would like to at least achieve that much.
Who do you have at your final dinner?
Let’s see… It’s so hard to say someone that hasn’t been said a million times before. I hate dinner parties – that is something everybody should know: don’t invite me to dinner. I hate it, there is nothing I enjoy less, it is so uptight. I don’t understand why people enjoy it or think they enjoy it. Do they really enjoy it? My life is one big long Larry David moment so I think if I had to invite someone it would be Larry David.
What are you going to eat?
A Hawaiian pizza. I really like those. I know a lot of people don’t like it but I do. I know some people don’t believe pineapple belongs on a pizza but I have no problem with that.
What would you do that evening?
After the Hawaiian pizza, Larry and I would play Monopoly.
What would be your biggest regret?
That it was my last day and I was not going to have another day.
How are you going to die?
Given the choice, it would be nice to just go to sleep and die peacefully in my sleep, but I think it should probably be more dramatic! So I think Larry David and I will have a Monopoly-based dispute that will result in my death.
What would your final words be?
‘Larry, why?’ or ‘Larry, no!’
What song would be played at your funeral?
I already know this one, it is called ‘Gomer Says Hey!’ Jim Nabors, who played Gomer Pyle, he made a bunch of terrible albums as a singer, but he made one album in the voice as Gomer Pyle, from The Andy Griffith Show. The last song on the album is called ‘Gomer Say Hey!’, and that’s going to play at my funeral.
What would you have written on your gravestone?
I always thought it would be funny to be in a graveyard and walk past a gravestone that said ‘Fuck all of you.’ Just for the sheer bitterness and nothing else.
Which dead star would meet you at the pearly gates of Heaven?
As long as I am not going to rock ‘n’ roll Hell! You know immediately if you are going to rock ‘n’ roll Heaven or Hell by the dead star that meets you. If Dimebag Darrell meets you, you have gone to rock ‘n’ roll Hell, and if Hendrix meets you then you are in Heaven.
If you were resurrected the next day, who or what would you be resurrected as?
I would like to be my dog Bobby Junior. As near as I can tell nobody has a better life. Not much to worry about there.
Describe your vision of heaven
Fluffy white clouds, beer on tap and Hendrix is in your band!
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Clash Magazine Issue 53
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