Ben Hopkins again takes ClashMusic.com on a wee trip to the magazine’s comprehensive film section, for just a taster of what’s on offer inside the pages of issue 38…
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Modern Television Is Rubbish
I don’t really watch TV.
Actually, I don’t really watch TV aside from stuff I already have on DVD, and football.
OK, I admit: I don’t watch much TV aside from stuff I have on DVD, football, Film 2009 and documentaries about communism, Hitler and true crime.
Alright, this is all I watch: stuff I have on DVD, football, Film 2009, documentaries about communism, Hitler and true crime, Harry Hill’s TV Burp, Charlie Brooker, Beauty and The Geek, The Apprentice, Scarred and Shipwrecked. And sometimes Jackass and Dirty Sanchez, both of which are guilty pleasures even in the context in the mind-numbing inanity of the majority of this list.
But why? Well, football, film and Brooker are all obviously worth my time. But the rest? The same old documentary subjects are studied with precisely the same information as everything I’ve read or watched about that topic previously. Beauty And The Geek pitches my natural brethren against some not-always-beautiful beauties and Shipwrecked all but copies that format of attractive people in conflict. The Apprentice remembers the conflict, forgets the attractiveness and prances around like 1987’s Black Monday never happened.
Meanwhile, Jackass, Dirty Sanchez and Scarred appeal to the corner of my brain that works on bloodlust over logic. And only Scarred goes straight to the tough stuff as hyperactive host Jacoby Shaddix of nu-metal non-entities Papa Roach introduces clips of skateboarders and bikers breaking their arms, legs and – in one extremely nasty case – their urethra.
These result in a gradual increase in my own stupidity. But also the continued ignorance of the films gradually bulking up my PVR. Potentially good stuff, too: William Friedkin’s Bug, crazy Studio Ghibli animation The Cat Returns, Francois Ozon’s Eight Woman and Lars von Trier’s The Five Obstructions (recorded, depressingly, in April 2008). And White Chicks, but I have no idea how that got there.
So I vowed to gradually watch them all and eradicate bad TV from my life. To ease myself in, I opted for Big Nothing, a black comedy with a cast including TV regulars David Schwimmer, Simon Pegg and Natascha McElhone. Unfortunately 1) it was crap and 2) all the other unwatched films meant that the ending was cut off due to lack of capacity.
So here I am typing with Jeremy Kyle on in the background.
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In This Month’s Magazine
How do you make a fly on the wall documentary about a virtual reality band? Director Ceri Levy talks about his Gorillaz film Bananaz.
Stefan Aust was targeted by German terrorist organisation The Red Army Faction. He survived to tell their story in The Baader-Meinhof Complex.
Film reviews include Kevin Sampson film adaptation Awaydays, Charlie Kaufman’s Synecdoche, New York, the DVD release of Frost / Nixon and dodgy Skins-style horror Tormented.
Crosby, Stills and Nash lead the way for this month’s music releases along with the return of The Zombies and Iron Maiden hitting the road… well, air.
Meanwhile, following Eurovision, Jamie J. Johnson talks about the mini pops equivalent as documented in his film Sounds Like Teen Spirit and Roger Daltrey flouts his gargantuan member in Lisztomania.
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A Fresh Batch Of Trailer Goodness
The Zaire ‘74 music festival was one of the most ambitious events of the era. Musician Hugh Masekela and producer Stewart Levine arranged a three day event headed by James Brown, BB King and Bill Withers to be combined with Don E. King’s Rumble in the Jungle fight between Muhammed Ali and George Foreman. It’s documented in Soul Power, a new film that will be previewed at Glastonbury…
Sacha Baron Cohen! Bruno! Not-suitable-for-work preview HERE
Evil bankers and an Edinburgh death race in New Town Killers…
Gael Garcia Bernal in football comedy drama Rudo & Cursi…
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Colm Field’s Top Five Shorts
The heady mix of enforced brevity and creative freedom has led to many short filmmakers (the films are short, not the makers) revealing astounding levels of complexity and, quite frankly, weirdness. They see it as an opportunity to tackle whatever the bizarre issue is for the day, in a manner never before used, sometimes for good reason. Other filmmakers assume bizarre to mean bloody, and make horror films instead. Fucken thousands of them.
But we’re avoiding those stuck-in-the-muds this month, and beginning with Bryan M Ferguson’s positively saccharine love story, Ingrid, Cold. It’s complete with soft Scottish accents, nice acting in a school-playground-romance kinda way, and is hurtling to a Dawson’s Creek fate of irritating soppiness, until it’s rescued by an ending so delightfully bizarre that it can’t be mentioned. Watch it, and watch out for the feature film debut, apparently under development.
In the time you read this, you could have watched Ryd Cook’s My 60 Second Documentary About The Stuff What Is In This Room. It does exactly what it says on the tin, is very funny, and the best thing about it is that this doesn’t seem to be an act; this lad and his family could actually be mental.
Fearing that one room in 60 seconds might get dull, Max Tattler has done the opposite and covered the entire cycle of life. This wickedly clever animation encapsulates the profundity we assume our lives to possess while at the same time revealing how insignificant they actually are. Everything Turns…
…Apart from the relentless desire for short horror films. Given that these are so prevalent, there must be some kind of popularity there, so you might as well have some for pity’s sake. At least watch two of the best – the first in a three part trilogy, Gasoline Blood by David Pope ticks all the boxes for the genre, but the ticking is barely noticeable, the plot clever, the characters funnily obnoxious and the zombies bloody good. It’s so good to see the classic zombie genre being mastered in a short, the subject matter almost regains its bizarre aura, if you can ignore the dirge of crap horrors spewed out by short filmmakers on a weekly basis.
Even better is Quarry, whose brevity is used to brilliant effect in this chilling film from John Cade. He’s got some damned good actors, realistic makeup and an idea so foul and sickening that it’s, well, bizarre. All these great shorts on a shoestring budget, which might be the most bizarre trait of all.
Ingrid, Cold
My 60 Second Documentary
Everything Turns
Gasoline Blood
Quarry
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Lost Film Obscurity Of The Month: Kontroll
Remember Brit shocker Creep from a few years back? If you thought the idea of a horror set on the London Underground was great but that Creep itself was more of an accidental comedy, then Kontroll should be right up your street.
Set in the depths of the Budapest Metro system, Kontroll is on the surface a murder mystery noir complete with dark comedy, eccentric symbolism and some surreal romance. Central character Bulcsu is one of a band of the city’s notoriously caustic ticket inspectors and his underground omnipresence puts him in direct contact of oddball characters such as a serial ticket-dodger and a young woman dressed in a bear suit.
Unless longstanding rumours of an American remake ever come to fruition, Kontroll won’t have helped the Hungarian tourist board much but it’s certainly given the nation a cult film hit to be proud of. See too if you can spot Lajos Kovacs, the Hungarian actor from Radiohead’s Karma Police promo and Jonathan Glazer’s iconic Guinness ads.
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Finally… In The Magazine Next Month
Con O’Neil on being Joe Meek in Telstar, former Skids frontman Richard Jobson on credit crunch thriller New Town Killers and footballers in (usually bad) films.
Reviews include the return of the talent behind Half Nelson in Sugar, Clint Eastwood’s acting swansong Gran Torino and Twilight’s Robert Pattinson in premature musical midlife crisis How To Be.
Plus music DVDs including Snoop Dogg guesting in a Johnny Cash documentary, James Brown saving Boston and an epic Woodstock box set.
