How would you spend your last day on Earth? ALICE COOPER will mostly be on the golf course…
Where would you like to wake up?
I’d wake up in Maui. That’s the best place to wake up in the world anyway, because that’s sort of like halfway between Earth and Heaven. It’s the halfway point. It gives you a little taste of Heaven. Phoenix in July is a little taste of Hell – it’s a hundred and twenty-six degrees there! And then you’re immediately on the first tee at Augusta, and then you’re immediately on the first tee at Pine Valley.
What would your score on those courses be?
What’s the course record, sixty-four? Two fifty-nines would be great!
What would there be left for you to achieve on your last day?
I think a really good relationship with the guy upstairs would be really good. A really bad relationship with the guy downstairs would be even better! If you shot fifty-nine/fifty-nine you’re on God’s good side!
Who do you have at your final dinner?
Mike Myers would be one. I think I’d have to have McCartney there, and Ringo. You’d have to have your immediate family – and I mean my band and my management too – Tim Rice, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, Sly Stallone would be there, Rob Zombie with his wife and family. That’s a pretty good group right there.
What are you going to eat?
In honour of me, Paul [McCartney] would have a big thick steak that night. I think probably some big Japanese sushi kind of dinner.
What is the after-dinner entertainment?
Well, then I think you put a band together at that point. If you’ve got all those people there, you put a band together. Then you record that live, and my manager gets it out the next day!
What would be your biggest regret?
That they never did get me in the Hall Of Fame, because that doesn’t happen until December. I’ll have to look down from up there and see if I actually made it.
How would you like to die?
I think you just go to sleep. I can’t imagine a long death.
What would you have written on your gravestone?
‘Here lies Alice. Since when he was teething, he never stopped talking ’til he stopped breathing.’
Who would you like to meet you at the pearly gates of Heaven?
I think St. Paul. I think he is probably the highest guy up there. You’d want the best lawyer you could get.
If you could be resurrected the next day, what would you come back as and why?
I’m sure a lot of people have said as Angelina Jolie’s dresser, but that wouldn’t be my answer. I’d come back as the guy that’s one stroke better than Tiger Woods at his best.
Words by Simon Harper
