Wayne Rooney Has Really Horrible Music Taste

Please, help this man immediately…
Wayne Rooney

Now, it’s not exactly news that Famous England Footballer Wayne Rooney – and that really is what the man is generally known for, isn’t it – has some questionable tastes when it comes to music. After all, the sometime-striker has a Stereophonics-inspired tattoo on his forearm (though how much education actually is necessary to perform remains an unanswered question, likely subject to eternal speculation). 

But now the man, the legend, the scorer of 19 goals for Manchester United in the season that’s just gone – or is continuing, depending on where one draws their World Cup lines – has gone public with a playlist of material he’s apparently taking to the world’s premier kicking contest when it commences in Brazil in, ooh, 300-and-something hours. Check it out below. Drink it in. And then throw it up like the climax of an 18-caipirinhas-or-bust drinking binge.

Now, there’s nothing big or clever about smirking about someone’s favourite musical fare, just because they’ve put FIVE BRUNO MARS SONGS on an available-to-all playlist. So, rather than simply post this without further comment (yeah, okay, snarking), here’s a little public service in support of England’s supporters the world over…

Wayne, please, if you’re reading, get onto iTunes and download something, anything, with guts and blood and fire enough to actually get a person pumped, maybe even to spur you on to the Golden Boot. Or, at least, a brace against Costa Rica. We’d take it, even if we’ve already lost our opening two games. Here are some suggestions. Feel free to get any reference to them tattooed on your lovely, strong, goal-shooting thighs.

Dunno, just some ideas. Or go ask your mate Leighton. Apparently he knows about music and stuff. And try not to, y’know, insult your travelling fans on this trip, yeah? They paid that dough. Thanks man. Got your back.

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