Don't leave home without it

Are you more likely to be found in bed than halfway up Ben Nevis?

If so then make sure you take a butchers at our essential festival checklist before you migrate to a field for a weekend of flailing and fooling about.

Do not forget any of the following...

Ticket: To avoid heartbreak, keep hold of it at all times until you get your wristband (and then, for Christ’s sake, don’t fiddle with it, it will come off).

Tent: Even in the unlikely event that it’ll be warm enough to sleep under the stars, intoxicated campers urinate everywhere, including on sleeping bodies. Take cover.

Sleeping bag: Or a mouldy blanket from the Salvation Army stall, your choice.

Roll mat: Or an airbed if you’re over 25.

Boots: Vital in the war against trench foot.

Bin bags: Even if you don’t mind sleeping in a decaying cess pit of beer cans and rotting burgers, they make good makeshift waterproofs.

Toilet roll: Self explanatory but can also be used as kindling for camp fires.

Wet wipes: Who can be bothered to queue up for showers.

Painkillers: Don’t let a hangover ruin watching your favourite band.

Plastic bottles: For water and strong alcohol.

Toothbrush: No matter how bad you smell and how hung over you feel, a clean, fresh mouth makes everything better.

Mobile phone: Essential everywhere except the smallest of boutique festivals.

Solar powered phone charger: Don’t let a communication breakdown ruin the last day.

Torch and spare batteries: Because getting into a sleeping bag drunk is even harder in the pitch black.

Cheap ghetto blaster and a pile of CD-Rs: iPods are susceptible to rain, mud, and light fingered creatures of the night.

Waterproofs: Because English summers died in 1957.

At least one jumper: See above.

Sun cream: But we live in hope.

At least one change of clothes: Not compulsory but people might not come near you otherwise.

Cooler: Because warm beer tastes like camel’s urine.

Condoms: Even if you don’t get lucky, someone else in your group probably will.


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