Each year Clashmusic.com looks forward to Brits. Not for the music, of course, merely out of the desperate hope that someone will make a total tit out of themselves. Too much alcohol, bad planning and huge egos often combine in this volatile environment to end careers and make the collective audience howl with laughter.
We count down ten of the most bizarre ceremony moments.
1) Sam Fox & Mic Fleetwood Cock Up
A cock-up of painfully cringeworthy severity, Page 3 Girl Sam Fox and a dishevelled Mick Fleetwood's inexperience at presenting took a bad turn in 1989. Continually missing cue-lines, forgetting to read nominations and generally looking like rabbits caught before a Hum-V doing 100mph on the wrong side of the road. The incident has become the stuff of Brits legend, and at least was more intresting than the predictable industry massage it is today.
2) Oasis V Blur
At the height of Britpop mania the two bands would happily have put the dukes up in any London boozer, but instead decided to publicly sleigh one another by using the Brits and many others as a verbal cage fight. When collecting their Best British Band award, Liam changed the words of 'Parklife' to "shite-life". Blur retorted by bashing out a spoof version of 'Roll With It' on America's Most Wanted. Even to this day the bands have yet to kiss and make up.
3) Phil Spector
After being inducted into the Rock n Roll Hall Of Fame, legendary producer and notorious oddball Spector arrives with three gun-clutching body guards, rambles out an incomprehensible speech onstage then basically falls back off-stage.
4) Axl Rose
If you're wondering what Axl has been doing other than writing the still unreleased 'Chinese Democracy' album for the last decade, he's actually been errupting beef at every awards ceremony going. When not telling Kurt Cobain to "shut that bitch up" (a refrence made about Courtney Love) he has also managed to pick fights with Motley Crue's Vince Neil and even more bizzarely, fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger almost got bopped.
5) Chumbawumba lay the Ice on John Prescott
Before the days when Prescott was known to throw a mean right-hook, 90's anarcho-pop loons Chumbawumba doused the deputy PM in a bucket of ice-cold water in front of millions at the Brits in '98. Luckily singer Danbert Nobacon made an exit before the wrath of two-jabs took hold.
6) Brandon Block is an arse
Evidently trashed on an array of 'popular 90's stimulants', DJ Brandon Block is tricked by friends into thinking he has an award waiting to be collected. After invading the stage and brandishing insults at Stones legend Ronnie Woods on live television, Block is met with a cold face-full of Whisky from the guitarist. Right-on Ronnie.
7) Source Awards
Tupac rushing the Tribe Called Quest Showcase, Suge Knight's Label beef with Puff Daddy, Eminem's public attack on Source associate Benzino, the Pasadena scuffle which saw DJ Qiuk hositalized. The Source awards are seeped in Hip Hop History. Just imagine if Clash errupted a beef with Hot Chip! A comedy show beckons.
8) Jarvis Moons Christ
At the height of Jarvis' Britpop frolics, the spectacled hero took offense to Jacko's rendition of 'Earth Song'. Realist Jarvis saw the song for what it was; another excuse for Jacko to play Jesus. Jarv storms the stage, waves his bony arse at a bemused Jackson and spends the night in police custody. Legend.
9) The Jarmans Destroy NME awards
Ryan Jarman, suitably drunk and righfully in need of an award at the NME award in 2006 decides to forward roll a stack of champagne bottles and spends the night being rolled into an ambulance by none other than Joe Lean (of the Jing Jang Jong) for a night of casual intensive care.
10) Robbie VS Liam Gallagher
The "fat one from Take That" ends his Britpop affair by offering Liam out at the Brits in 2000. "So, anybody like to see me fight Liam? Would you pay to come and see it? Liam, a hundred grand of your money and a hundred grand of my money. We'll get in a ring and we'll have a fight and you can all watch it on TV, what d'you think about that?". The collective world sighed and wished Liam wasn't on tour in Japan, just so he could rip the gobshites face off and fookin 'ave 'im.