The Pigeon Detectives

You can take the boys out of Leeds… so we did.
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You can take the boys out of Leeds… so we did. As they packed up their leather jackets and embarked on Dooleys-fuelled showcase to the people of Barcelona and Amsterdam, Clash was on hand to document those antics that the boys probably wouldn’t remember…


25/11/06 – Barcelona.

12.34am: “You want good cock for 60 Euros?”

We get offered cock (probably coke but the thick Spanish accent makes it hard to tell).

Apparently it’s not natural for something this big and metal to be in the air and we’re all going to die

12.35am – 1.35am: We all sit in the dressing room drinking Amstel, red wine, Dooleys and vodka RedBull.

2.45am: Go on stage to (surprisingly) large noisy crowd. Two songs in and five people at the front start chanting “Yorkshire, Yorkshire, Yorkshire”, fucking weird experience considering we’re not even in England (never mind Yorkshire).

3.15am: Walk off stage and get escorted back to the dressing room (by 6 huge Spanish security guards). Have to go through about 5 rooms to get there…very Spinal Tap. Sign a few autographs, kiss some Spanish glamour models* and do a few interviews/photos for press etc.

(* this part might not be 100% true).

3.45am: Arrive back at dressing room. Yes it really did take 30 minutes to get from the stage to the dressing room; this is probably the biggest 6 room super club I’ve ever been in.

4.30am – 6.00am: We all sit in the dressing room drinking The Magic Numbers’ (who were also playing) rider while waiting for the club to close. We would go to bed but it seems pretty pointless as we have to set off to catch a plane to Amsterdam in a few hours.

6.10am: We’re all back at the hotel now and sat in the hotel lobby waiting for the restaurant to open for breakfast.

7.30am: We all leave for the airport, feeling slightly tired from no sleep!

8.00am: Arrive at the airport, struggle to pack all our gear onto crap metal trolleys and get charged 20 euros per item (we had 15 items). We check in, by some mini Hitlers with a blonde ponytail.

8.45am: Matt falls asleep on the floor of the departures lounge, only to be woken up by a machine gun wielding security guard, who must have thought he was some kind of gypsy or tramp. He’s not far off to be fair.

8.46am: Matt wakes up immediately.

9.15am: We board the plane. Dave begins to shit himself. Apparently it’s not natural for something this big and metal to be in the air and we’re all going to die (he’s not the best flyer). Clutches to armrests.

10am: Ry unsuccessfully tries to join the mile high club (but at least gets to finger the bird in seat 15B).

12pm: We land in Amsterdam, knackered and hungry.

We get offered cock (probably coke but the thick Spanish accent makes it hard to tell).

12.15pm: All our luggage arrives safely, Jimmi has his snare and cymbals but we’re minus 6 expensive new guitars. The gig in Amsterdam isn’t looking too good at the moment.

12.30pm: After 15 minutes of panic the guitars turn up on another carousel, which actually pisses us off because we’d already planned what new equipment to buy with the insurance money.

12.35pm: We all get in a taxi to the hotel… get to see lots of Amsterdam on the journey: windmills, clogs tulips, drug cafes and Ruud Van Nistelrooy etc etc.

1.00pm: We arrive at the hotel and all just want to go straight to sleep!

1.08pm: “Bitch, slag, whore.”

The woman on reception tells us our rooms won’t be ready for a couple more hours! We all pile into the one room that is actually ready and order porn on the record label’s credit card.

2.00 pm: The other rooms are ready, we all retreat to our rooms and get a shower, leaving Jimmi and Oli to have a wank over the porn.

2.30 pm: Get a taxi to the venue in time for sound check, which is a novelty for us.

4.00 pm: Retire to dressing room, well I say dressing room, it was more like a huge hall separated by curtains for each band. Bump into The Holloways, Mumm-Ra and lots of other famous people.

8.30 pm: We go onstage to play, not sure what to expect crowd-wise. It turns out that half of Leeds decided to go to Amsterdam for the weekend. The crowd went insane for the gig although we were a bit below par due to lack of sleep. Some big boned lad decided to scare the girls at the front by pretending to crowd surf and backing out at the last minute. The over-zealous security were constantly throwing people off stage but kept leaving this one kid on who kept nicking Matt’s mic, he must have thought that he was in the band, to Matt’s annoyance.

9.00pm We leave the stage to adulation, rapturous applause, cries for more, moist knickers being thrown and the promoter panicking that his stage is going to be trashed by the stampede of pre-pubescent girls desperate to ‘have us’ backstage.*

(*This might not be 100% true).

9.10pm – 4.00am: Everyone gets utterly, completely, totally wankered backstage. We watch the Maccabees and Mumm-Ra who were both brilliant! Matt tells Rob from The Automatic there’s no such thing as monsters and then they put the world to right and solve world poverty.

4.00am – 5.00am The Automatic suggest we all go back to Raul’s but tired and skint we head to the hotel/red light district to ‘sleep’.

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