Idiot Boxing

Hello again my trusty telly team, and welcome to another edition of Idiot Boxing.

With just a month to go until Christmas, when your schedules will doubtless be dominated less by television and more by booze, food and huge credit card bills, now is the perfect time to stock up on some quality telly, so get ready for a weighty edition this week.

...booze, food and huge credit card bills

First on the agenda is the brilliant Deadliest Catch (Discovery Channel). For the uninitiated, the following synopsis will sound distinctly unpromising, but here goes. The crux of the show is that a bunch of fisherman are trying to catch crabs. In big metal boxes. On a bumpy sea.

And that's about it.

However, some sort of televisual alchemy occurs and a programme essentially about bearded, heavy-set men fishing in the rain ascends to levels of suspense and intrigue usually associated with programmes involving impending nuclear war, lying Presidents and deceitful double-agents intent on destroying America.

...presumably because Chuck Norris failed

One programme can be relied upon to deliver all of the above and a whole lot more, and 24 (Sky One) is due for a welcome return next week, in the form of a special 2-hour made for TV movie. The term 'made for TV movie' is usually telly shorthand for 'shite', but take my word for it, 24: Redemption, will be anything but shite; even if the plot synopsis (Jack is in South America 'finding himself' - presumably because Chuck Norris failed) sounds distinctly ropey. Oh, and somewhat worryingly Robert Carlyle is on the cast list, playing a former mentor of Jack's. UK audiences may struggle to believe that the double-hard and bullet-proof Jack Bauer was trained by a man famous for appearing in a pants film (eugh, sorry) about male strippers, but count your lucky blessings it's not Will Mellor or Danny Dyer infiltrating an otherwise peerless series.

Next up this week is Crimewatch UK (BBC1). Yeah, that's right, Crimewatch. Of all the programmes on telly at the moment giving advice on beating the credit crunch, this is by far the most informative and reassuring. At times like this, we don't need property advice or banking advice, or lecturing from massive-tongued man of the people Jamie Oliver on the wonders of cheap cooking - what we need is a satisfying reminder that, while each of us may be struggling to pay the bills, at least the old adage still holds true; crime - like work experience - doesn't pay. Some of us may have the creditors knocking down the front door, but personally speaking, I'd rather be hiding from them than from Kirsty Young. To the creditors, it's just their job; they bear you no ill will. With Kirsty though, it all seems far more personal. The Deadliest Catch's fisherman may risk life and limb for their living, and Jack Bauer may routinely save the world from total doom, but none of them can match her steely-eyed stare. Robert Carlyle as Jack Bauer's mentor? They should have come to Kirsty.